The no smoking chronicles(part one)

Firstly,if I am rude to anyone,please forgive me ? I am temporarily completely insane
I have had every cough and cold germ known to man in the last few weeks,my allergic asthma starts around mid march and on Tuesday last week I found myself hacking like someone with consumption whilst trying to inhale tobacco fumes.
So Wednesday I took myself off to the smoking cessation clinic.
Well the wild haired vaguely hippy counsellor told me everything I already knew about the affects tobacco has on your system and purse then prescribed patches and nicotine under the tongue tabs.I was told to pick a day and be ready for it.
So Sunday was to be my first ciggie free day in donkeys years.
On Saturday I had planned to remove all smoking accoutrements and spray room fresheners around last thing at night etc etc,it
didn't work out that way,I had kids on the phone all day,hormonal kids at that,Sarah rang in tears from the middle of Nottingham town centre saying "they don't sell nice things for baby boys,why am I having a boy? oh god what do you do with little boys?"this call was repeated sporadically throughout the day until her pregnant hormones settled and she rang to cry and apologise.
Sam rang repeatedly, also hormonal,to say she had so been looking forward to her day off and now it was here she was bored and puking,I didn't grin and say "well that's pregnancy for you".
Saturday evening I sat down to enjoy my last smoke and discovered I couldn't as I hacked my way through each inhalation.
Sunday morning I got up attached a nicotine patch and got myself busy,disposing of smoking stuff and crocheting booties and cardigans,I did however find I was inhaling some smoke,I burnt my morning toast and my chicken, tatty and carrot casserole was nicely caramelised.
I was a bit twitchy but I coped,I went to bed and discovered the patch not only makes sleeping harder but it also triggers some quite troublesome dreams,so at 3am I removed it.
I got up this morning discovered I had left last nights bathwater in and I hadn't stoked the fire up,so the house was ruddy freezing.
I finally had my shower and attached my patch,two hours later I was still craving wildly after nicotine and considered topping up with an under the tongue tab.
I needed a wee and discovered whilst there that the patch I had stuck on my thigh still had half the backing paper on, so I had only been getting half my replacement drug....
I have fixed that now and feel a little better,I went off to work at my first job to be told I wasn't needed,I already knew she had decorators in and housework was out,we were supposed to be erecting greenhouse staging and doing garden jobs,the bitter wind and snowflakes have put paid to that.
So here I am stabbing my keyboard to death whilst apologising in advance if I am an arxe.