Mouse jerky,normal brain and life as usual.

I know, I know I haven't blogged in ages,still here it is,so make the most of it.
So in reverse order(except my brain bit),Sarah my middling daughter was 25 yesterday,it has been a very difficult year for her,first losing her baby boy then her relationship broke up,let's hope this year is better for her.
Although I am an avowed atheist I have always celebrated christmas as it helps distract from the terrible dark days of midwinter and how down that time of year can leave you,this years plan was that Sarah,Sammy and James and baby Rory would come for lunch and that Becky,Ray ,Poppy and new baby Willow would just visit for a while in the morning and then go home for a little family fun,except as usual plans went awry,Becky and co arrived and Becky was almost asleep,Willow had had her up since 1am..........so being a wonderful mummy I said oh stay for lunch here,we always have plenty.So stay they did,we had the dining table strategically placed so that one person could perch on the arm of the sofa and someone else sat on an upturned bin.
Between the whole herd of us we only drank one bottle of bubbly,two breast feeding mummies,two drivers and me who is wibbly wobbly enough without too much booze,but we had a whale of a time,auntie Sarah had brought Poppy a set of 'musical' instruments,watch the video,musical isn't the word I would use but still it was fun.

 

I finally heard from the hospital on the 11th of this month,they sent me a letter which said

"Dear Mrs That_Woman,

I am writing with the results of your recent MRI head scan.The scan was normal with no evidence of inflammation affecting the brain.I would like to see you again in clinic where we can discuss this further and decide if you need any further investigations.

I hope my letter finds you well

with kind regards

yours sincerely

Dr Useless Neurologist."

I will give her "finds you well" useless ruddy woman.

She doesn't say when I have an appointment or even hint at how long one will take.Although my new favourite GP may have snuck into the pooter system and informed me my appointment will be in bloody June .

I am slowly getting better thanks to previously mentioned super-GP who gave me a course of steroids which seem to have helped.The neurologist though has done absolutely nothing to alleviate my symptoms and only the most basic tests (two MRIs and some electrical tests).No drugs to relieve the spasticity which made me unable to walk unaided more than a few yards at one stage,suffering appalling spasms/cramps,vertigo, pain ridden and temperamental.

I feel a campaign coming on,having chatted to other people with undiagnosed neurological problems it seems patient care doesn't really exist in the field of neurology.Grubby is going to help me draft a 'just what do neurologists do' type letter to hand to her at my next appointment.

I have booked an eye test as I am having some real eye problems at the moment,they may well see something neuro going on too.It has taken me all day to write this as I can only watch the screen for a few minutes at a time.

Now we get to the mouse jerky,don't read this if you are eating.

A few weeks ago I could smell the unmistakeable scent of deceased mouse,I searched high and low while cursing the idiot cat who brings them in and releases them,I couldn't find a body and the smell disappeared,so I naturally assumed the mouse was under the floorboards becoming mummified.Oh no,the cat has been scratching incessantly at the join between landing and bedroom carpets,so I got out the old tape to do a bodge job and what do I find,a dead, very dry, very flat piece of mouse jerky.

The hens have all grown fine new feathery frocks except fanny the wonder hen,but she doesn't deserve a new frock anyway,I couldn't find her at door shutting time the other week so went on a frantic search of the garden,looked under hedges and in nooks and crannies,it was dark when I gave up,somewhat tearfully I must confess,I fell over in the mud straight onto my backside,I heard a cackle,it was only the wonder hen sitting up a tree snickering at me..........

Halloween fun.

I saw a neurologist on Friday as an emergency,she says that with all the neuro tests and without the brainscan her best guess is that I am having a bout of 'brain inflammation' and that, subject to scan confirmation, if it comes back again it will be considered MS if it doesn't it will be called a bout of inflammation.She won't give me any drugs for the spasms etc until the scan results are through,so I have to wait now until at least the end of November.Well you could have blown me down with a feather,when I woke up this morning and my legs are working again.So for five days no legs then day six legs again !!!

I thought I would go for a Halloween theme today so here are some nice creepy medical bits and bobs.
 cacodemonomania   are you possessed ?

The bat recognises you and is coming back for more blood.

 Ghost's are a load of bollocks or should that be the other way round?    Bottom right article.

 Don't trust the garlic.

 Mathematical modelling of a zombie attack.


Inverse zombies, anesthesia awareness, and the hard problem of unconsciousness.  Real horror this one.


As an aside to those in the know,some people just shouldn't be allowed to use a pooter,the old PICNIC acronym(Problem In Chair Not In Computer) is just perfect.

The Curious Incident of the Jelly in the car-park

My friend Karla offered me a ride into town and back,more an 'in transit visit' than a serious shopping trip.We ended up at Lidls,obviously wearing our favourite balaclavas so no one would recognise us.
We bought a few bits and pieces then loaded the car and went to pull away,there was the most worrying clunking noise coming from one of the wheels, so we drove back into the car park and had a look and gave all the tyres/wheels a good kick,well Karla did,with my dodgy pins I would have been a heap on the ground had I attempted tyre abuse.  Nothing wrong,pulled away again,clump clump clump went the wheel.....................
There was a nice rowntree's strawberry jelly stuck to the rear tyre,the cause of an awful lot of noise followed by decidedly dodgy jokes and a lot of laughter.
On the subject of laughter,I have been looking round the interwebs trying to self diagnose,now you might think this isn't a good idea but truly when you are really worried there is nothing better than a self diagnosis of Tropical spastic paraparesis,even better I have never been to the 'tropics' in fact no one I know has been in yonks,or how about this  diagnosis Conversion disorder,you see really I am fed up so my brain is pretending my legs hurt to distract me.
Seriously,life does have a lighter side,the kids reckon they will just throw me in nursing home earlier than planned and as for the people I work for,it is starting to be embarrassing when they offer to carry the vacuum around for me or pick up things I drop to save me bending down,just how good can bosses be?

Just in time for the cuts.

I have just spent half an hour on the phone to physio direct our local refer yourself physio service,all I needed was an appointment with the physio when she is at the docs surgery, as I have hurt my shoulder probably whilst dragging myself up the stairs by the bannister thanks to the other nonsense.Blimey it was like twenty questions,in fact she needed or wanted to know more than my rheumatologist did.I finally persuaded her I wasn't up to cycling 9 miles to the hospital for physio.
For years I have walked in a slightly lopsided fashion, enough to warrant an occasional "oh have you hurt yourself"type comment from friends and relatives,I always dismissed it with "oh I have a slight scoliosis it must knock me a bit off centre" but now I wonder.
I had my appointment with my rheumatologist for my psoriatic arthritis and he decided what I thought was crippling tendon pain and pins and needles was in fact "markedly increased muscle tone with bilateral clonus along with a reduction in sensation in the S1 dermatome"
They did an xray of my spine which showed no changes from the last time it was done,I have had an MRI but haven't had the results yet,I have several choices of complaint,a slipped disc could be causing the symptons or it could be worse,not only do I have  all these tests I now have to see a neurologist,seems MS or an MND are also possibilities.Just my bloody luck,crippledom just as the tories are clamping down on benefits.
PS.
Don't tell mad nad I blogged whilst disabled and working or she might be tempted to tell tales about me.

Magnet therapy and wind power.

Not the best option,but I really hate nimbys,I have just spent an hour telling a whole pile of nimbys in my village how beautiful and soothing I find wind turbines.........I may yet be drummed out for my anti-establishment ideas.
The whole of their argument is based on these don't look pretty especially on a ridge above' ye olde worlde' village,it really is a shame that so many people are intimidated by the better accented,educated and paid members of the community.So many of the quiet little people agree with me or are completely indifferent yet their opinions are never heard above the nimby din.
When I pointed out that sattellite dishes,tv aerials and phone lines were actually more in line of sight than any wind turbine would be, they tried the noise argument,except that didn't wash,the turbines will be a mile from even the edge of the village.
As an aside everyone I debated with said they would love an old wooden windmill in the neighbourhood with all the clunking and banging they entail.............some folks like the past way too much.It really is a shame that wind power isn't really that green or efficient
As an aside,you know how quacktitioners sell magnetic bracelets and things ,well will my MRI at the end of the month cure all my ills ?it is after all a giant magnet.

The saga(you couldn't make it up)

My life has become a saga/disaster movie/horror story.
The bosses are away again,camping for a week,so all I have to do is clean the house feed the kitties and do the itty bit of washing up and laundry they left behind...
They went Saturday,Sunday the dishwasher broke down,Monday the burglar alarm had a hissy fit and the panel kept beeping at me until I sussed that it was because a trip switch had gone..Tuesday I found that the washing machine breaking had tripped the switch,as well as the cats had somehow caught and murdered a kingfisher it must already have been sick or hurt those cats would be hard pushed to catch a cold,wednesday I discovered that kingfisher is obviously too rich,there was cat sh*t everywhere around the ruddy house.

So yesterday I decided after work to do some repairs to the chicken house,I had to take some of the old rotten wood off and replace it with fresh and also use new non rusty nails and screws.......
all goes according to plan until I step back to admire my handiwork,feel feathers on the back of my leg,step backwards over the chooks behind me straight onto a rusty nail.......
I remove the nail and attached plank from my foot and I squeeze the wound and give it a damned good scrub and think no more of it apart from a slight bruised feeling.
I went to bed,fell asleep and woke up an hour later in excruciating pain.........
Went to the docs this morning for antibiotics(it is obviously festering and the doc asked what I expected having injected myself with chicken poop) the doc gave me co amoxiclav then sent me round to the nurse for a top up on the old tetanus vaccine only for the nurse to find that there isn't a complete vaccination record for me as a child so she gives me a booster jab........I am back from the hospital having had Human tetanus immunoglobulin injected into the same arm as the ruddy vaccine, I can barely walk for swollen painful festering foot and my arm hurts.
 I said to Grubby today that if I told someone all this they would think I must be making it up,can I soon have some better luck please? 

It never rains,it just pours and pours and pours...

So having given up smoking for three months now I have decided to decorate,I started with the easy bit,the front hall........
Halfway through my best friend decides to empty her loft of baby goodies,cot,first size bed,car seats,bouncy seat,changing mat,bedding,clothes etc etc.......and announces they need picking up,my other friend has donated a fridge to the cause as the door on mine is held shut by a giant magnet..........
all coming in through the front hall.........and just randomly parking anywhere till painting is complete.
I took the strange old curtain rail down above the front door,it brought a goodly chunk of wall down too,I haven't any filler but I do have bathroom grout,so you just know what I did don't you ?.
In the midst of all the chaos oldest daughter Bex rings..........

Guess what ,yup!!! she is having a baby too,so I will have three new grandchildren before the year is out.


And too top it off I have an urgent(the scary cancerish within a fortnight type urgent) referral to hospital for odd goings on with my voice box...........

And we still have no government,Labour should have got rid of Brown and they would have had lots of coalition allies I suspect.........

My own horror film.

Sometimes I feel as though I am living a horror film,this one isn't 'the birds' though,it should be entitled killer cats.....as I have blogged previously a random strange cat broke in and ate my beautiful little zebra finches and then the other night I came in from work to find the evil Lucifer had got another random cat pinned in a corner,it having snuck in his cat flap, and was screaming in that awful way only a tom cat can,now I know better than to touch my cat when he is even slightly tetchy I certainly wasn't risking his wrath with him yowling like that,so I opened the back door and waved my arms around to no avail,then fearing for its safety I picked up the random visiting cat...........big error,a terrified cat is a dangerous critter.I have huge deep claw marks and a badly bruised forearm where the cats claw must have popped a vein...........
Not very clear,but taking pics of the back of your wrist ain't easy...........

On a much lighter note,you know how some people sneeze when they look at very bright lights or the sun,well would you believe the science bods called it 'ATCHOO ' syndrome,autosomal dominant compelling helio-ophthalmic outburst syndrome.

Decisions.

A decision has been made,not an easy one and it is obviously changeable at any time depending on whether Peanuts heart gets any worse or not.
Sarah has decided that baby(nanna's ickle Peanut) deserves a bash at life.So we are all here to support her and Peanut if he should need it.
So back to the knitting needles and crochet hooks for me.

Oops ! I did it again !

So there I am minding my own business when I see a small child being really quite awful to her pet guinea pigs,her Mum said she was desperately looking for a home for them...........Grubby just laughed and suggested I apply for charitable status as an animal sanctuary.........

The no smoking chronicles(part two)subtitled 'get me a shrink'

In truth I don't feel quite so frantic today,probably because I have kept myself more than a little busy.Another lady cancelled work today,so it is a good job I don't need ciggie money any more. So today I treated my house as if it were one of the big houses where I work.........I am such an untidy slapper,it has taken hours, but it was well worth it,almost the entire house is gleaming,it is just a shame I can't wash the curtains until we have some better weather.
Now only Grubby will understand the huge significance of this,but today I emptied my desk and scrubbed it,no more tea and ciggie ash spills,no more piles of obsolete software,stacks of papers have been put away or filed in the recycling bin.Tonight I am sewing buttons on the cardi I have made for the impending Grandson,removing my nicotine patch(I am determined to get some proper sleep tonight) then I am going to bathe and visit the land of nod for as long as possible.
I had a shock at lunchtime,I have had calls from both pregnant daughters asking how I was and if I was coping ok with the lack of smokes,I tell you wonders will never cease.
The rescue chickens have been somewhat disgusted,I have put a little fence up so they can't wait outside the back door to terrorise the poor old cat,they are doing well and need less pampering than they once did,two of them lay each day so I have a nice protein supply.A really rewarding bunch of pets.

The no smoking chronicles(part one)

Firstly,if I am rude to anyone,please forgive me ? I am temporarily completely insane
I have had every cough and cold germ known to man in the last few weeks,my allergic asthma starts around mid march and on Tuesday last week I found myself hacking like someone with consumption whilst trying to inhale tobacco fumes.
So Wednesday I took myself off to the smoking cessation clinic.
Well the wild haired vaguely hippy counsellor told me everything I already knew about the affects tobacco has on your system and purse then prescribed patches and nicotine under the tongue tabs.I was told to pick a day and be ready for it.
So Sunday was to be my first ciggie free day in donkeys years.
On Saturday I had planned to remove all smoking accoutrements and spray room fresheners around last thing at night etc etc,it
didn't work out that way,I had kids on the phone all day,hormonal kids at that,Sarah rang in tears from the middle of Nottingham town centre saying "they don't sell nice things for baby boys,why am I having a boy? oh god what do you do with little boys?"this call was repeated sporadically throughout the day until her pregnant hormones settled and she rang to cry and apologise.
Sam rang repeatedly, also hormonal,to say she had so been looking forward to her day off and now it was here she was bored and puking,I didn't grin and say "well that's pregnancy for you".
Saturday evening I sat down to enjoy my last smoke and discovered I couldn't as I hacked my way through each inhalation.
Sunday morning I got up attached a nicotine patch and got myself busy,disposing of smoking stuff and crocheting booties and cardigans,I did however find I was inhaling some smoke,I burnt my morning toast and my chicken, tatty and carrot casserole was nicely caramelised.
I was a bit twitchy but I coped,I went to bed and discovered the patch not only makes sleeping harder but it also triggers some quite troublesome dreams,so at 3am I removed it.
I got up this morning discovered I had left last nights bathwater in and I hadn't stoked the fire up,so the house was ruddy freezing.
I finally had my shower and attached my patch,two hours later I was still craving wildly after nicotine and considered topping up with an under the tongue tab.
I needed a wee and discovered whilst there that the patch I had stuck on my thigh still had half the backing paper on, so I had only been getting half my replacement drug....
I have fixed that now and feel a little better,I went off to work at my first job to be told I wasn't needed,I already knew she had decorators in and housework was out,we were supposed to be erecting greenhouse staging and doing garden jobs,the bitter wind and snowflakes have put paid to that.
So here I am stabbing my keyboard to death whilst apologising in advance if I am an arxe.

Rush,rush,rush

Well I have been a busy bunny.........since we last chatted I have :
Had most of my hair cut off,made three fugly hens for a chicken keeper friend and taken orders for two more from another ex-batt keeper,proceeds to a hen rescue charity,

I have made two baby cardis with matching hats,made a start on two five pointed star blankies,been to work dog knows how many times,defrosted the hen's drinking water endlessly and laughed at their gingerness in the snow,had the kids to dinner and watched them devour a joint that would have fed me for at least a week and changed the sheets a lot thanks to a mucky footed moggy.........
I have also listened to youngest when she got all worried about some spotting,I explained just how common it is in early pregnancy and don't panic,if this one doesn't work at least she knows now that she can get pregnant.I have listened to next one up as she vomits with morning sickness on speaker phone and I have listened to oldest daughter moan because she isn't pregnant again....I am thinking of having my ears surgically sealed up.

That went well-ish.....

The youngest and her other half came to dinner today,we were playing 'come dine with me' the food was brilliant,the entertainment went down well,retro themed PS1 and a couple of games.........just brilliant until I stood a plastic bowl on the hob,turned the wrong ring on and walked away.Sigh........at least I know the new smoke alarm works and is loud.
The kids were running round frantically searching everywhere for my inhaler whilst I tried to explain that it was ok I wasn't allergic to burning plastic..............all's well that ends well,the cooker is clean,the plastic tub was an old thing that holds a bunch of fridge magnets for amusing any kids who dare to come into the house.
The menu was sexed up a bit,leek and tatty soup became creamed vichyssoise with a mirepoix of lightly sautéed leek and potatoes as a garnish, glazed carrots meant add butter and honey swish about in the pan,the savoy cabbage was cooked in olive oil with bacon and garlic,the pork was perfection according to the son in law..........and the creamy cheesecake with a blackcurrant topping came from scummerfields....... a good day and another horrifying tale to add to the family repertoire.This themed thing comes from when the kids were growing up,we used to raid the cupboard and make what we could with what was in there a la ready steady cook,it was a good set of budgeting and cookery lessons for the kids without ever lecturing.
In other news,I have been referred to hospital to see a bone quack as my doc thinks I may have rheumatoid arthritis,I personally think I have psoriatic arthritis as I have had it on and off for donkeys years without any major progression(thank dog),so I will cross my fingers and hope they don't stay that way.

The Jenny Wren made it

but there is a sparrow currently napping behind the chest of drawers in my bedroom ,I can't catch him and put him out as the rain is monsoon like,so I have shut the cat out and will have to release the bird at dawn tomorrow.This is not what I needed to have been doing at half two in the morning
We go through bouts of this hunting stuff,for a couple of weeks Lucifer catches anything he can,then we see no more prey for a couple of months...............

That dratted cat.

No wonder he answers to the name Lucifer,look what he brought in a few minutes ago,
luckily I was quick off the mark and managed to get it before any damage was done,I have tucked it up in a big growth of ivy for the night,so fingers and toes crossed.

Sex,drugs and politics.

I just read the funniest thing ever,they are making Mandy information minister,now bearing in mind  his oligarch friends and the Chinese yoghurt fiasco I really think his title should be disinformation minister.And fancy him making weekly speeches to the country,even the queen herself only makes us suffer yearly.
There is absolutely nothing I can say about Alan Johnson and his desire for policy based science,I want whatever drugs he is on,they obviously make one completely oblivious to any advice offered.See badscience on the Nutt sack affair.

Ok I know it is mean of me, but this report of transient global amnesia following good sex made me chuckle,until,that is, I read that it is most common in people not that much older than me
The next sex based piece I read is a bit of a poke in the eye to creationists,well I think so anyway.What sort of supreme deity arranges for bonobos,humans and bats to be the only known creatures that indulge in the odd bit of oral sex?(you are safe,I didn't link to the bat pron video page) mind, I wonder if bats would enjoy the company of slingjaw wrasse ?
ps. don't worry about fido and tiddles come the rature,I have found just the service for them.

I have been a bit busy....

Between being the sole person looking after the house while the bosses are away to helping a friend move some furniture.........

My poor friend has been royally screwed over by these people,see here also. She needed to move her personal stuff out of the pub on a very small budget,so a mutual friend who runs a very small coach company drove and four of us helped with the lifting and stuff......I thought a couple of pictures might amuse you.Boy did we garner some attention on the roads,we looked like time travellers from the seventies..............

Yup,the whole family are mad as hatters.......

My Mother has been ringing me at odd times and leaving cryptic messages on the answerphone saying"please don't call back I don't want Dad to know I have spoken to you"
I haven't panicked,it is, I had assumed, Mothers usual weirdness or Father has been nagging her about running up phone bills ringing chums.........but no it is really weird........she is ringing me frantically now,to see if I can cater their fiftieth wedding anniversary in..............2012...............in fact October 20 bloody 12,whatever is that woman on ?
Does she still think I am that dithering, stroppy, useless fifteen year old,she kept saying things like "are you sure you can manage?"
I explained very politely and patiently that yes,I can do it standing on my head with a blindfold on and one hand tied behind my back,what do you think I spent all those years in a restaurant kitchen doing?
I am sure I see my girls as more adult than my Mother sees me.

I have some things to say,controversial things.

I have just watched last nights Question Time programme,the famous one with Nick Griffin,Jack Straw,Bonnie Greer ,Peter Hain and Baroness Warsi........
Now I have a question or two to ask before I place myself firmly out of reach.
What or who is a racist ?
Do you have to be white to qualify or do those minority groups in our country who only let their kids marry within their own racial/religious/ethnic groups count too?are Nick Griffin and his ilk any worse when they preach anti-miscegenation ?
Why is all the debating about people with darker skin than me,is it because thanks to our halfwitted government we have no choice but to accept all incomers from the EU ?(My friend Petra the Czech girl is of course excepted from this question).
Why did no-one but me pull up my ex who is of African Caribbean descent when he referred to the 'Jew man' in a more than derogatory manor,is it ok to be racially biased if you aren't white ?
We have the MOBOs, we have a black police officers association,we have gay rights,we have rights for the disabled,why aren't everyone's rights just plain bloody equal ? I think that what I am actually trying to say is that positive discrimination can be as bad as plain good old fashioned discrimination.You can see why the unthinkers do go and vote for a political party who claims to espouse their rights.
Before you now all slam me for saying these things,I really do think every person is an individual and should be treated as such,I am that_woman not some racial,/ethnic/religious statistic I am also from poor farming stock so don't need to be apologetic about the past,my ancestors were probably all serfs or worse anyway..
In case you are one of the unthinkers,here are some videos showing why we really don't want the BNP scum getting any more power.
1)
2)
3)